Cloak of Invincibility

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:11, NIV

As I've shared before, as an introvert I can express myself well in writing, but not quite in speaking, although I do try. I'm not too fond of speaking in front of an audience, and do not particularly like talking with strangers - small talk is something I kind of despise.

But this was different, in the sense that the people I was going to meet and speak to are not really strangers. These people are just like me who are trying to reach out and be reassured that they are not alone in this fight to #EndNF.

"Will you be free today please for Elice and us to meet you? Bago kami bumalik ng La Union please, Krizelle, please......"

Who am I to say no to meeting them, when plenty of others have helped me in my own journey?

But I almost wanted to cry reading these pleading comments from a mom with a daughter who also has NF2. Why do they want to meet me so badly? It's really bewildering to me that two months ago when the mom first contacted me, she was willing to travel from La Union, a province up north which is a 7-hour drive from Manila, just to let me meet her daughter Elice. She said that people from the NF Philippines group told them that they should talk to me...but why me? I am not special, I am just...Krizelle.

And then I learned last week that they were actually here in my city. No, they did not in fact travel just to see me, but now that they were here, they wanted to take the opportunity.

So I met them.

(L-R) Elice's mom and dad, me, Elice, and my mom

For me, the idea of meeting them was terrifying and exciting at the same time. Certainly I would like to help as best as I can, but I wouldn't really know what to say and how Elice in particular would respond to it. Will I be of help to her at all? Will this meeting shine even a little bit of light in this dark cloud of depression that she's struggling with?

My friend YL has recently said that he has come to see the three forms of NF as one of God's ways of saying "OK, you're tough enough to be selected for My very own equivalent to SEAL Team 6/Delta Force/the SAS. You won't kick down doors in 'Stans all over the world, but you'll do things that'll strengthen humanity." 

Okay God, what an assignment. 'Kaw na bahala. I'll just come as I am.

And then like a sign or reply, I came across this quote by Paulo Coelho:

“The most important thing in all human relationships is conversation, but people don’t talk anymore, they don’t sit down to talk and listen. If we want to change the world, we have to go back to a time when warriors would gather around a fire and tell stories.”

So that afternoon, two NF2 warriors and their families just sat and talked. Shared my story, heard their own stories. Encouraged her and let her know that the future isn't as bleak as she fears, so she shouldn't let NF2 get her down. She can conquer it. Elice's questions were of the type I didn't expect though. "Do you have a boyfriend right now, Ate?" (No, I don't.) "Have you ever thought about passing NF2 to your future children?" (Yes, I have.) Haha. I couldn't really gauge her reaction to everything I've said and shared, but overall I felt relief and gratitude that this meeting that has brought me some anxiety ultimately turned out well.

Elice told me that she's been off from Facebook for a while, so when she tagged me in this post later that evening, it was a surprise that I did not expect at all.

And then my heart melted. When I first started looking for a way to reach out to the NF community, I never thought that one day it will be I who would be asked for help and advice on living with NF2. That living with this unfortunate condition can bring unexpected blessings and be used for the good of others in many ways.

But I suppose that's what being part of a community is, isn't it?

   com·mu·ni·ty

      /kəˈmyo͞onədē/

      noun

        1. a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.

I...don't really think I am a strong person. I have all the same fears, worries, and anxieties that anyone has, that any person with NF2 has. I was in a dark place myself when my cousin Christian told me to "Keep moving and seeking. Your purpose will somehow be related to leaving an impact on people's lives that cause them to see God."

So yes, I may not be strong but we have a strong God we can depend on, and he makes sure we don't deal with these challenges alone. So reach out. Reach out for help, reach out to help, and He will be the one to make sure everything falls into place. We don't have to pretend we have it all together. Drop that Cloak of Invincibility.

Like David Archuleta said, “Being [truly] invincible is realizing that the strength doesn’t come from you. I think I feel strongest when I feel being supported by something bigger than me. Trusting that God is there. Somebody up there knows who I am and watching me and guiding me and wants me to be happy.”

To Elice, to other people dealing with chronic illnesses, and to anyone reading this who may be going through a dark place in their life...you'll get through this, and you are not alone. Never forget who you truly are because of the emptiness or the pain. The world needs people like you. 

---
P.S.: Yes, I like quotes and I remember things that people say that has left an impact on me...they all come together and help me make sense of things.